Becoming Denali
by marciejackson
Summary: AU New Moon.  Bella pulls herself together after Edward leaves, and swears she's done with the supernatural.  But when she comes across Edward's cousin Tanya, she'll find that the supernatural is not near being done with her.
1. Chapter 1

Mortality makes life extreme. The fact that you could keel over dead at any second makes pain agonizing and pleasure euphoric. I know this better than most people because my life has been on the extreme side of extreme, even for a mortal. Take my clumsiness for example. I've probably taken more trips to the hospital due to being a klutz in my nineteen years than most people do in their lifetime. Extremely bad, right? Well, just last year I decided to take a few martial arts classes in an attempt to sort that out. It was actually a pretty effective strategy and came in handy a couple months later when I had to mess up my roommate's boyfriend when he tried to beat on her. Also extremely bad. But the point is, if I hadn't been so clumsy, I probably would never have taken the classes in the first place. So that's actually extremely good. See what I mean?

That's just a tiny portion of the extremity of my life, though. When I was seventeen, I moved to Forks, Washington and fell absolutely, all-consumingly in love with a boy in my biology class and he loved me back. He was beautiful, rich, athletic, intelligent, musical, romantic, thoughtful - perfect. His family welcomed me with open arms and his sister was my best friend in the world. Extremely, extremely good, but for one little thing.

He, they all, were vampires.

Extremely, extremely bad.

I told them I didn't care, though, and for a while we were ecstatically happy together. I should have known that it could never last.

A coven of nomadic vampires crossed town and decided that I would make for fun prey to hunt. You know, just for shits and giggles. They nearly managed it, but luckily Edward got to the leader in time, causing the others to disperse. I was left with a broken leg, a scar in the shape of human bite marks, and a new appreciation for being alive. This was the beginning of the end for me and the Cullens, but the real clincher was a few months later.

At my eighteenth birthday party my usual clumsiness led me to cut my finger, exposing blood in a room full of creatures who rely on just that for sustenance.

It all turned out for the best, but a few days later, Edward broke up with me, claiming he didn't want me anymore. Looking back, I'm not sure whether or not he was telling the truth or lying so that he could keep his distance and thereby keep me safe. Thing is, I'll never get the chance to find out because that night they left Forks without a word or phone number and never once looked back.

So I'm left with nothing, no family, no friend, no lover, no life, nothing, nothing.

At least, that's what I thought.

After grieving for all that I'd lost for three months straight, I became reacquainted with my old friend Jacob Black who lived at the neighbouring reservation. He was cheerful and funny and genuine and didn't treat me like I was made of glass. And I realized that even though the life I once thought I would have was now out of reach, it didn't mean that I couldn't forge a new path for myself. So that's what I did.

It wasn't as easy as all that, of course. There were still nightmares and tears and bursts of temper and loneliness and hurt. But over the next few weeks and months, I pulled myself together. I threw myself into school. I applied to all sorts of colleges, and I learned how to heal my heart.

Jake and I spent all of our spare time together fixing up these two broken down motorcycles and hanging out in his garage. He taught me my way around an engine and later how to ride my bike. We went cliff jumping together and drank warm soda out of the cans. He was my only friend.

And then one week he disappeared. He wouldn't see me, wouldn't take my calls. He left me and I was beyond pissed because this was the second time in six months that I'd been abandoned by the ones I was closest to and I just didn't deserve that shit. So I drove down to La Push to kick his ass and when I saw him, I knew that something was seriously, horribly wrong. Jake had grown about a foot and packed on muscle like a weight lifter. His skin was burning hot and he kept saying that he couldn't talk to me anymore. Couldn't, not wouldn't.

Now, people often underestimate me because I'm sort, slight, clumsy and shy. But being quiet and unnoticeable can sometimes be a good thing.

I watch people.

Not in a creepy, stalkerish way, it's just that I notice things. Like the way that I found out that the Cullens were vampires. I watched them that first day in Forks and I noticed things. Like their skin as pale as snow, the unusual gold colour of their eyes, the purple bags under their eyes, the grace with which they moved and most of all, their inhuman beauty. As time passed I added other things to the list, like cold skin, superhuman senses, speed, and strength. At any rate, I knew that there was something different about them but it was actually Jake who put it all together for me. He told me one of the legends of his tribe, of the Cold Ones, or vampires.

It was this legend that came back to me that day after I'd gone home from confronting Jake. And now that I'd witnessed the supernatural for real, I was better at recognizing it. So I thought back to that legend and remembered one other detail - that the mortal enemies of the Cold Ones were the La Push tribe's ancestors.

Werewolves.

So I freaked out a bit about being surrounded by fairy tale creatures and when I was done I looked up everything I could find about wolves. I found out that packs have an alpha and I guessed that whatever the alpha says, the other wolves have got to do. I figured that's why Jake couldn't talk to me, because the alpha told him not to. And rumours had been going around about Sam Uley leading a gang of enormous boy do-gooders. Bingo.

So the next day I drove my dilapidated truck down to the reserve, got directions to Sam Uley's house and walked right in like I owned the place. Hey, just because I'm on the quieter side doesn't mean I don't have a temper or know how to kick some ass when I deserve to.

So I stormed in there and told this colossal hulk of a guy right to his face that he was a jackass for telling Jake that he couldn't be my friend, and that no furry-assed half labrador was going to get in my way. And that's when I noticed that the entire gang of monster-sized boys were sitting around the kitchen table being served breakfast by Sam's girlfriend. Major oops.

It turned out alright though, and apparently having figured out what they were and still wanting to be Jake's friend was a point in my favour because from then on the La Push boys were my friends.

It seemed that the trigger for turning the boys into werewolves was the presence of vampires. This didn't make sense to me, as the Cullens had left months before. That's when they told me that one of the two remaining nomads from the coven that had hunted me the previous spring was back, though they didn't know why, and was killing local hikers. They'd recognized a female with flaming red hair. James' mate. Victoria.

I guessed that she was after me for some unfathomable reason, they agreed, and that was how I came to hang out with them pretty much all the time. Being able to change into horse-sized wolves at will, they were much better suited to fighting vampires than I was.

This was also the start of my poker career.

I own at poker. No, seriously, for reals, when it comes to poker, I am _made_ of win.

Maybe it all comes back to that watching-people thing, but I can just _tell_ when it's time to bet high and time to fold. Charlie (that's my dad) taught me how to play when I was really young and came to visit him in the summers, but I hadn't had much opportunity to practice since.

This, more than anything, seemed to secure my reputation with the pack. Psh. Boys.

I _had_ had practice, though, with hiding what I was thinking and feeling. The Cullens' departure had hit me harder than I was willing to admit, but I'd had school to attend and my dad to look after and I didn't want to worry anyone or let them see how hurt I was. So I hid it the best I could and was now perfectly capable of clearing myself of all emotion at will. Not as easy as it sounds, I assure you. But it was kind of like pulling up a wall. Normally I'd just pull up the wall between me and the memories of loss, for poker all I had to do was pull the wall up between me and the world. That was a actually the easier of the two, but it tended to freak people out a bit, and I couldn't hold either for long anyway, so I saved it for poker.

On top of that, my observational skills had kicked up a notch since finding out that I had a crazy blood-sucking bitch after my ass. Go figure. But I'd always be looking out for threats, and assessing dangers, and identifying exits and stuff. Call me paranoid if you want, but I'd seen what these suckers could do and I wasn't taking any chances.

But anyway.

The pack always had at least one wolf on patrol around town, scouting for Victoria's scent. The only problem with that plan was that they were assuming she'd be attacking on foot. In their defense, this had been the consistent pattern, but really. Come on now.

So one day after school this car pulls up in front of my house and who steps out? The third vamp from the same fucking coven, no less. By driving in he'd contained his scent and the only way the wolf on patrol would be alerted to his presence was if he happened to loop close by my house. In other words, help was short on the ground. Except I was like, fuck that, and texted Jake as quick as lightning, just the word HELP, and slipped the phone back into my pocket as the vamp approached the door and I prepared for my death. Lucky for me, Laurent was only there to scope out the lay of the land for his old buddy Victoria, for old times' sake he said, and wasn't actually thirsty at the moment. It seemed they'd gone their separate ways and Laurent had been experimenting with the 'vegetarian' lifestyle the Cullens had favoured. In fact, he'd been keeping company with their 'cousins' up in Alaska, one Irina in particular. At this point, of course, I was freaking out to all hell and back because I had no doubt that we were about to have a full pack of beasts descending on our asses at any moment courtesy of Jake, except that if they attacked Laurent now, especially when he hadn't even threatened me with immediate harm, the Denali oven might take offense, thereby starting a war. And while I trusted the pack to handle one psycho-hunter-chick just fine, I had much less faith in their abilities against a five-strong coven of vampires with centuries of experience. Yeah, not so much.

Fortunately I managed to warn Laurent of all this before they arrived and when they saw me alright and talking to him, Sam ordered them to stand down. They didn't like that one bit but Sam's not a complete idiot even if he is a jackass sometimes and he put a lot of stock in the treaty his grand-daddy had cut with the Cullens. Jake didn't like it so much but he can be a bit of a self-righteous bastard if the mood hits him, so I told him he didn't have to like it and that he'd be thanking me when his house wasn't being burned to the ground by a bunch of vengeful, venomous immortals. That shut him up real quick.

So Laurent got away safe with the warning to not come back unless his eyes were gold and even then, there would be no welcoming committee.

The wolves decided to tighten up security and had someone watching me pretty much 24/7, which was reassuring in a creepy kind of way.

Months passed and before I knew it it was graduation. My studying had paid off and I'd been accepted to Dartmouth with a scholarship. Whoopee. I was looking forward to living in New Hampshire even if it meant leaving the pack behind, and it pleased Charlie to no end to be able to tell everything that moved that his daughter was going Ivy League.

Remember what I said about extremes? Yeah, this is the point where once again the extremely good goes sour as old milk.

See, the thing the wolves weren't counting on is the sudden of influx of people in cars for the grad ceremony, mixing their scents and crowding closely into the school auditorium. That's the big disadvantage of the wolves - they can't be in attack mode around people without the park rangers being called. Also, I don't think anyone expected Victoria to bring anyone else with her. And we certainly never dreamed that he'd be so recently changed.

So I got a nasty shock when I went to the bathroom right before the ceremony was supposed to start and the door shut behind me, revealing two pale, red-eyed faces.

Needless to say, when Jessica Stanley came in, preparing to rip me a new one for not being in line when my name was about to be called to accept my diploma, the entire silent auditorium heard her blood-curdling screams. Too bad Victoria and Riley had already split, they lived for that dramatic shit. The fuckers didn't even let me walk across the stage and wave to my dad. Pair of fuckin' psychos.

The only silver lining in that bitch of a night was that Jared was the one on patrol and he doesn't miss shit, that one. He managed to delay them long enough that the rest of the pack could phase and get there to burn those sons of bitches to the ground.

Of course, for me this was all just a bit too little, too late. I was unconscious for five days and didn't get out of hospital for another week after that. They said that I took so long to wake up because it was my body's way of protecting me and taking the time to heal. What they didn't know was that I was doing the exact same thing with my mind.

For two months I never spoke a word. I would respond to yes or no questions with nods and follow order when it came to taking care of myself, but that was it. Charlie broke down after only a few days of this and I was quickly sent down to Jacksonville, Florida, to live with my mother Renee and her husband Phil. It was just as well because that way I could avoid the whispers of 'poor girl' and looks of pity that followed me around Forks. Instead, I sat on the beach and stared out at the waves, soaking up the sunshine and thinking.

I thought about what had happened and what it meant for me and my life now. I thought about Jake and Edward and the pack and the Cullens and Charlie and Renee and the whole supernatural world. And I realized that it was a world that had touched me, scarred me deeper than the tooth marks left by James on my left hand could testify to. But in the end, it was not a world which I could realistically belong to. I was obviously outclassed in every sense and though I would never forget what had happened, ever, that to seek out further contact with that world was not something I could do and continue living. And I desperately wanted to live, I realized to my surprise. I would not fear death or shrink from it when it claimed me, but neither would I seek it out.

I cried for a week.

When I was done, I made myself two vows. One, that I would never shed another tear over what I had lost. I would live in the now and not look back, enjoying what I had for what it was. The other, that I would never involve myself in the supernatural again.

If I had known how soon both these promises would lie broken at my feet like shattered glass, I might not have felt quite so peaceful.

But I didn't, and so I locked up my memories and my hurt and sealed them away with my secrets and my heart, packed up all my worldly belongings and shipped myself off to Dartmouth to start living. Because of one thing I was absolutely certain. The Cullen family may have broken my heart and the nomadic clan may have broken my body, but no one, _no one_, could break my spirit. I was Bella fucking Swan. And I was indestructible.

-

I was just nineteen when I started my English Lit degree, but that didn't stop me from having the full 'college experience'. The scholarship I was on allowed me to afford to share a small flat not far off campus with another girl. Janet was a graduate student from Canada and bound and determined to show me a good time. Tenacious but kind, she seemed to get that there was a lot going on underneath the snarky front I put up and brushed by my underagedness with pure Janet class - she snuck me in everywhere. By day I worked my scrawny ass off in the library and the martial arts center and by night we danced and drank until we could hardly stumble home leaning on each other. Janet's boyfriend was a class-A son of a bitch, as I've said, but the one good thing he did was get pneumonia in November. While that in itself was something I would never feel bad about, it benefitted me more than just by getting rid of him for a few weeks. Donny was a bit of a gambler and had entered himself into the biggest local poker tournament he could find. When he was in hospital, all Janet heard was moans and groans about how he'd wasted his entry fee, on and on. If only to get him off of Janet's back and by association my own, I volunteered to pay him back the fee if he let me take his place and keep any winnings I got. He agreed instantly, obviously thinking I'd bomb.

I slaughtered.

My winnings got me a few new outfits and some fantastic Christmas gifts for Charlie, Renee, Jake and especially Janet, because I felt kind of bad for taking advantage of her boyfriend like that. Of course, soon after, I caught him as he slapped her just as I walked in the door, so I put my martial arts classes to good use and whipped his sorry ass, and Janet took me out to dinner. She was a little shaken by the experience and I felt bad enough for her that when she told me she'd entered me into another, bigger poker tournament over the Christmas holidays, I agreed with minimal fuss. Not a lot I could've done anyway, and I'm pretty sure she knew that she was playing up the guilt card, but that's Janet. So I hopped down to Arizona and my hometown Phoenix and did not do so bad if I do say so myself. After stopping by my Dad's for a couple of days I flew back to New Hampshire, gave Janet a big hug and a new pair of leather boots and bought myself a little car. She promptly entered me into another tournament over reading break.

She really loved those boots.

The year finished quickly and when exams were over, I sat down and planned myself a summer schedule of poker tournaments all over the country. I figured I'd better play to my strengths, and had no desire to wait tables for four months besides.

What followed was a series of parties, dinners, galas and serious poker games that all blurred into one another. I was making some genuine cash and got to spend my days reading at hotel pool sides, sight seeing all over the country, and working out as much as possible. The parties and clubs weren't nearly as much fun without Janet, but we called each other nearly everyday and I was now comfortable enough with myself to join a group going out somewhere or refuse if I didn't feel like it. I felt like I was finally getting some control back in my life and was loving it.

Of course, I knew that this extreme goodness in my life could not last and was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I did not have to wait long.


	2. Chapter 2

"Full house, queens full of nines. Congratulations, Miss Swan."

I sat back, eyes glittering with the satisfaction of another kill and allowed myself a small smile, the first sign of emotion I'd shown since the game began. Take that, bitches.

The small crowd that was gathered around the table in the dim light murmured and started to disperse in a fit of rustling silks. I smoothed a non-existent wrinkle out of my own champagne-coloured dress for a lack of anything better to do and avoided the eyes of the young man at the bar who had been trying to catch my attention all evening, as well as those of the older gentleman across the table who seemed torn between being cross that I'd beat him and turned on for the same reason. Yuck.

Just then the door opened and in walked two women whose beauty nearly caused my carefully composed walls to shatter. Oh. Fuck.

They were pale as frost with white-blond hair, one long and the other short-haired. Both were on the tall side, though their heeled shoes accentuated that feature, and they moved in them with stunning grace. But the thing that I noticed first was their eyes - they were golden.

Shit. Motherfucking son of a _bitch_.

Now, normally I would be happy to see gold instead of ruby red eyes on what were obviously vampires, as it meant that they preyed on animals instead of humans, therefore lessening the likelihood of my becoming dinner. But I was far, far more concerned with being identified than with their dietary habits. Because the only other vampires I knew of who followed the 'vegetarian' lifestyle were 'cousins' to the Cullens. And therefore likely to know who I was.

_Balls_.

See, when Edward and I were together, he told me about the group of vampires called the Volturi. They're sort of like the vampire version of royalty and they enforce the only vampire law - don't expose their existence to the humans. They were spoken of sometimes with reverence, sometimes with resentment, but always, always with fear.

And I was a human who knew far too much.

I honestly don't know what the Cullens were thinking when they left me behind unchanged. Perhaps they had some fondness left for me or assumed I would die soon anyways, but either way, they had allowed a threat to their world's secrecy to exist and that was a punishable offense.

I was not sure how close, exactly, this coven was to the Cullens, but I did not want to take my chances that another group of blood-thirsty undead would let me walk away at risk to themselves. Which meant that my best hope now for survival was to slink away unnoticed and get on the next flight out of Alaska.

"Will you be playing another round, Miss Swan?"

I saw their heads whip towards the sound of my name out of the corner of my eye and at that moment I could have strangled the dealer, even if he had been especially kind to me all evening.

But I kept my cool, tightened my walls against emotion, and replied as calmly as I could.

"No thank you, Roy. I believe I'm done for the evening, you may deal me out."

"Very good, Miss Swan," he replied as I gathered my winnings and stood.

I am unobtrusive. I am obscure. I am invisible, I chanted in my head. There must be plenty of brunettes out there with the last name Swan, right? Right?

"I'm sorry, Bella Swan?"

God _dam_mit.

I turned slowly at the sound of the smooth tones of a vampire that I hadn't heard in so long. I wrapped my walls up tight as a corset and made my face go blank.

"I'm sorry, you must be mistaken," I told the two women stoically. They were studying me with intense interest and perhaps a little disdain on the part of the shorter-haired one. Thinking quickly, I made up a name on the spot.

"My name is Isa."

FUCK. Could I _be_ any more of a dunce? If they know my full name it wouldn't take someone of vampire genius to figure out that this was the sorriest excuse of an alias in the history of secrecy. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

"My mistake," the longer-haired one said pleasantly, and though I watched her closely, she showed no sign of knowing who I was. Thank Jesus.

"Would you care to join us for a drink, in any case?" she asked.

"I'm afraid I'm unable to tonight," I replied cautiously. I did not want to anger them, but neither did I want to spend anytime in their company. I kind of like breathing, thank you.

"Perhaps another time, then," she smiled. God, I'd forgotten how beautiful they really were.

"Perhaps," I hedged and walked away as quickly as I could without seeming like I was trying to escape. I noticed absently, almost from afar, that my hand was shaking as I reached out to open the door. That was my mistake. I heard a gasp from behind me and despite myself I turned to see both vampires standing back where I had left them, golden eyes riveted on my hand on the door handle.

Following their gazes, I looked to see what had caught their attention and felt my heart drop into my stomach. There, clear as an Alaskan day, was the scar from James' attack.

I fled.

-

I spent that night sleepless, wrapped in my comforter at the hotel window, looking out at the star-filled night and awaiting death.

But it never came.

I dozed off around dawn and did not wake until well past noon, my body exhausted from the effort of holding the memories and emotions at bay.

When I woke (vaguely surprised that I was able to do so), I automatically made myself a pot of coffee and returned to my vigil of the sky. The caffeine helped the numbness to wear off some and I realized that I needed to plan.

From the desk drawer I pulled a hotel courtesy pad of paper and pen and began writing out everything that I needed to do, in order of priority, in preparation for the death that I was convinced was coming. Oh, maybe not right this second, but it would be soon, I was sure, and I needed to be ready for that.

Running, obviously, was an option. But it was a foolish one because for one, I wouldn't know how to go about it properly, and for two, these were _vampires_ we were talking about here. Best to be realistic. And I had come to a conclusion in the hours of darkness: I wanted to die on my own terms. Death was something I'd prepared for a year ago, and I would not shrink from it now. And that was why when I picked up the phone, it was not to call the airlines, but my parents.

Making sure I was as composed as possible, I told them about my last week of travel and conquest and listened in turn to my father speak about fishing with Harry and Billy and to my mother about her excitement for the coming school year and her new grade one class. I called Jake and asked after the pack, and the Volkswagen Rabbit, his baby. I asked him to take my bike out for a spin to keep it in tune. I called Janet and asked after her new boy and told her to borrow my favourite pumps when she went out with him tonight. I told them all I loved them.

And then I cried. I sat with tears streaming down my face and my chest heaving with sobs and mourned the family that I would miss and that would be hurt when I went missing without explanation or was caught in a freak bear attack or what have you. I grieved for the life that I would not get to live out, for the degree I would never complete, the person I would never marry, the future that would never come to pass.

And then I locked up my sorrow and dried my face and set the last few things straight. I phoned the bank in New Hampshire and got myself a will written out, and then had them transfer out my half of the rent on my apartment for the term as well as a year's worth of car insurance. Janet could have it.

Then, my affairs in order, I stepped into the shower, The hot water on my body was luxurious so I took my time, shampooing twice and working the kinks out of my muscles from spending all night curled up in an armchair.

Stepping out, I toweled off quickly to avoid a chill and then blow-dried my hair to silky perfection. Deciding to leave it down, I moved on to my make up, darkening my eyelids and lashes, and brightening my cheekbones. I chose an unbelievable red for my lips, one that Janet had bought me and I rarely used because of its ostentatiousness.

Padding over to the closet where I'd hung all my outfits, I selected a little black dress with a modest halter neckline but a plunging back and matched it with the highest heels I owned, also courtesy of Janet. That girl.

Closing the closet door, I stepped back to look in the mirror at the overall effect. Staring back at me was a woman that I wouldn't have recognized two years ago when I was still the innocent slip of a girl that arrived in Forks. My hips and chest had rounded and my muscles were more toned. My skin was still the same clear pale it had always been, and my eyes the same brown, but the last of the baby had left my face, making the lines more defined, my eyes seem larger, my lips poutier. I now recognized what had eluded me then - I was attractive. Not a knock-out by any means, but not unappealing either. If I was going out, at least it was in style.

"Bye, Bella," I whispered to my reflection.

Then I gathered up my clutch and my jacket and left the room.

I did not look in the mirror again as I passed it.

-

After a quick dinner in the hotel restaurant, I taxied to the club recommended to me by the concierge as the one with the best music for dancing. Tonight I wanted to feel alive, feel the blood rushing through my veins and the sweat glistening on my skin as my heart pounded in my ears. Called the Millstone, it was large and dark and pulsing with the sound of bass and the smell of bodies. I couldn't've asked for anything better.

Three drinks later and I was lost in the throb of the music, my muscles loose and strong, sliding smoothly under my skin in time to the beat. So content was I with exactly where I was that I was not as shocked or afraid as I probably should have been when I saw her.

She was shorter than the other two had been, probably about my height with hair that fell in perfect strawberry blond locks. Her eyes were darker than the others' had been, and her stance more vampiric in the intensity of its stillness. She was dressed in a short and snug dress of deepest red. Her heels were like mine - peep-toed and miles high. She was the most gorgeous creature I'd ever seen.

And she was staring at me with a primal hunger in her eyes.

For the longest moment we stared at one another, locked in a world where there was only us two and the intensity of our expressions, where the oblivious humans around us stumbling through their lives did not exist. There was only her and me and our locked gazes.

And then she was moving towards me, a predator stalking her prey, her every movement oozing sensual power. I stood transfixed in a sort of fascinated horror that my life would be ended so soon after this being of perfection had stalked into it.

Her gaze did not break from mine as she neared and when she was finally before me, there was a moment when I did not know what she would do. We were both silent and still in the pounding of the music and the mass of movement.

I realized that I wasn't breathing and slowly, ever so slowly, drew in a deep lungful of air, then ran my hand though my hair as I let it out.

Her eyes darkened and a rumble emerged from deep within her throat as my scent washed over her. She reached out unhesitatingly with a a pale hand to the one that had caught her attention as it pulled through my mass of dark tresses. Catching it before it could fall back to my side, she rubbed one icy finger along the rough ridge where my scar lay. Her eyes blackened then, and her other hand came up quickly to my waist to pull me to her.

And just like that we were moving together, pulsing as one body, hands on hips and shoulders and wrists, legs interlocking and rocking left and right in perfect time. My lips brushed her collarbone and I felt her chest vibrate with her purr of satisfaction, her nose trailing up the column of my throat.

I don't know how long we danced together, entranced in one another, but the spell upon us was not broken until a man, obviously severely inebriated, tried to join us, approaching me from behind.

His sweaty hand had barely brushed my back when I was whirled around and drawn further into her body, her stony arms encircling my waist protectively and her lips pressing against my ear possessively.

"Mine," she all but growled and my heart glowed and my stomach tightened as the beautiful bells of her voice claimed me.

The man's eyes dilated in a primitive fear and he backed off without further prompting.

While I was more thrilled than ever with our new position, I was also made aware of the eyes of the other men and women and the minor birth they were giving us. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to get away from them all, for it to just be her and me.

Turning my head towards her slightly, I did my best to ignore the delicate hands that were now tracing across my abdomen.

"Let's get out of here," I breathed.

She rumbled in assent and moved us swiftly through the crowd off the floor, her hand never leaving the bare skin at my back.

We paused only momentarily at the coat check to get our jackets and then we were out in the chill darkness.

She flagged a cab and told the cabbie to take us to my hotel. I didn't ask how she knew where I was staying, distracted by her fingers on my spine.

We swept through the lobby, her strides long and steady. The elevator ride was agony, as we both removed our jackets and her fingers rested back gently quite low on my hip. I watched the numbers increase as we rose, my body humming with anticipation.

Finally, _finally_, we reached the ninth floor and were walking again, our arms brushing, the sound of my footsteps muffled by the thick carpeting.

I slipped the hotel key out of my purse and unlocked the door to my room swiftly. I preceded her through the doorway but had only manged two steps before the door slammed shut and I found myself whirled back against it, both her hands on my shoulders to keep me there.

And then her lips were on mine, cool and firm and delicious and I gasped as our breath mixed. She took the opportunity to slip her tongue into my mouth and we both moaned at that. Her hands slid down to my waist again, playing there gently while mine were in her hair and on her neck, clutching her closer and still closer to me as though to press our two bodies together until they fused into one. Her mouth moved down my jaw to my neck where she started suckling like a kitten and even as I gasped for breath, I whimpered. I could feel her smile at that and one flickered over my own face briefly before turning into a wanton moan the like of which I'd never made as one of her hands slipped down my waist to my thigh. Slipping one of her own statuesque legs between my own, she continued to work away at my pulse with her lips and tongue, occasionally drifting up to my earlobe or to whisper "mine" against my cheek with a voice like honey, smooth and light and sweet. Unable to take the tension in my belly any longer, my hips moved of their own accord, rolling against hers urgently. My head tipped back against the door at the sensation and my breath caught in my throat even as she let out a growl of pleasure that morphed into a steady purr as our hips continued to rock against one another. My breathing quickened and my heart raced as she threaded one hand into my hair, gripping it back so she could plunder my lips with hers and the fingers of her other hand slipped below the edge of my dress and then back up beneath it. She used this hand to raise one of my legs up around her hip and all the while we were rocking, rocking towards euphoria. My arms went around her neck and when she let me up for breath I bent my head to where her neck and shoulder met and bit down lightly. At that, she let out the sexiest combination of a growl and a moan I'd ever heard and then she pulled back to look at me, chest heaving with purrs, hair mussed, and eyes dark and dilated.

"Bed," she breathed.

"Fuck, yes," was all I could whimper in reply.

She smiled at me then, and it was as full of promise as her next words.

"Oh, I intend to."


	3. Chapter 3

I woke the next morning feeling pleasantly achy in that way you always do after a night of phenomenal sex. And was it ever. I grinned into the pillow as I stretched my limbs gently under the warmth of the covers. sitting up slowly and running a hand through my hair, I saw the light on under the bathroom door and heard the sound of the shower running.

That was when what happened really hit me.

Ohmygod.

I had slept with a vampire. I had had absolutely killer hot sex with the most magnificent creature of the night I'd ever seen.

Oh. My. God.

What had I been _thinking_? I mean, I realize that I thought I was going to die and needed to live it up a little in my last days, but really? Hopping into bed with the first sex on legs that comes along? I usually had a little more class than that. And yet, I couldn't find it withing myself to regret it for one second.

Getting up with a resigned sigh, I moved over to the little sink, pulling the sheet with me and set about making coffee while I thought back to the night before, trying to understand my reaction.

I'd been a little tipsy and I'd been dancing. I'd seen...

_Shit,_ son. I didn't even know her fucking _name._

But anyway. I'd seen her and everything seemed to fall away... From there it was a whirl of dancing and kissing and hot, hot sex. Shuddering a little at the memory, I poured myself a cup, drowned it in milk and moved over to the window. The facts were that I saw her and lost all sense of judgment in my need to look at her, be with her, touch her, give her pleasure... And she told that drunk guy that I was _hers_, I remembered suddenly. Like I _belonged_ to her... Hm. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that something supernatural was going on here. And seeing as my bed-buddy there was a vampire, I'd say that I _didn't_ actually know better.

"Hey, sexy."

The words startled me and I realized that I hadn't heard the shower turn off and then I stopped thinking at all as I too her in. Her hair was wet and droplets of water sparkled in the morning light on her marble skin. Wrapped in a fluffy white bathrobe, she had to be the most delectable thing I'd ever seen. Except maybe her with nothing on. That was unbeatable. But this came pretty close.

Realizing that her little grin was because I had yet to answer, I blushed lightly and let one corner of my mouth come up in a little smile.

"Hey," I said back, quietly, and sipped my coffee, clutching my sheet with the other hand.

She approached slowly, holding my eyes with her gold ones. When we were barely a half foot apart, she wrapped her lovely hands gently around my coffee cup, just holding it for a moment while she studied my face. When she released it and raised her hands to cradle my face, her skin was warmed form the hot drink to human temperature and her grin widened when she saw my delight at the tender gesture. Just as tenderly, she brought her face to mine and let her lips rest ever so lightly on my eyelids, the corner of my mouth, then tilted my had gently so they could reach the spot just below my ear.

"Mm," she hummed contently. "You smell like me."

That was just too sweet to go unacknowledged, so I pulled back just enough to bring our lips together. We kissed softly, happily of several minutes, basking in the afterglow of our night of passion.

Eventually, she pulled back and rested her forehead against mine and looked into my eyes, her own happy.

"How are you this morning?" she asked me gently.

"Satisfied," I replied with a grin which grew when she giggled. "A little sore, maybe, but in a good way."

"Good," she said, sounding pleased.

"And you?" I asked, suddenly curious and a little worried. Had her night been even half as good as mine?

"Glorious," she replied instantly, her face glowing and I felt better and let out a little giggle eve as I blushed lightly.

"Good," I said, copying her words.

She pulled back completely and fixed me with a look that I couldn't discern.

"What?"

"Are you busy today?" she asked me abruptly.

"Oh. Um, no, not really, no. I am tonight, though."

She frowned just a little and bottom lip jutted cut minutely. I'd never seen anyone look so adorable when put out and I had to restrain the desire to kiss her pout away.

"What are you doing?"

"The final round of the GMAPT is tonight at nine and I'm playing."

"The what?"

"The General Motors Alaskan Poker Tournament. It's a state-wide thing, so it's a pretty big pot."

"Wow." She looked a little impressed and I quashed a surge of smug pride. _She_ thought I was _impressive_.

You gonna win?"

I considered my answer carefully. "I have a fair chance, but it is in no way guaranteed. This is the biggest tournament I've entered, and so far it's been challenging, but I like that."

She smiled. "I know what you mean. I like a challenge, too." Her eyes travelled up and down my sheet-encased body and I flushed.

"So you're free today?" She got us back on the original topic.

"Yep," I replied, grinning hopefully.

"Excellent. Will you spend the day with me?" Her words were confident, but I saw the hesitancy in her eyes. I doubted she'd ever been turned down, especially by a human, so I could not imagine why that was. She needn't have worried, however, as I was no about to break the trend.

"I would love that," I said softly.

Her face glowed again and this time I could not resist the impulse to lean in and claim her lips lightly once, twice, three times. She was smiling at my initiative when I pulled back upright which boosted my confidence somewhat and I hid my grin in my coffee cup.

"Well, why don't you have a shower and then I'll take you out for breakfast and we'll have a talk," she suggested.

"Perfect," I agree, as we really did need to talk, something I'd forgotten _again_ the moment she'd entered the room. Moving over to the closet, I picked out some clothes for myself and told her to help herself as well, as we were nearly the same size, she just a little taller and broader in the shoulder and chest. Then it was into the shower, throw my hair up in a loose bun and we were out the door, her hand capturing mine just as we left and lightening my heart. There was something about this girl that made my spirits bright and while that frightened me beyond everything, it also made me happier than anything I'd known.

-

"So. How do we do this?" I asked before taking a bite of my waffles. We were in the hotel restaurant, sitting across from one another at a table by the window in the back corner. I'd picked it, as it offered the best view of both the room and the street and was nearest to the fire exit. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Now that we'd settled in and were actually facing the much-needed conversation, thought, I didn't really know how to begin. There were some sensitive questions coming up after all, and I didn't know how to ease into them.

"Names first," she replied instantly and I was glad that she'd said so instead of me.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"Tatiana Anastasia Romanov."

"Tatiana," I repeated, trying out her name carefully.

"Or Tanya. For most people it's easier."

"Tanya," I said again, and then smiled because it suited her. Tanya. Tanya Tanya Tanya. Finally I had a name.

"Isabella," she pronounced mine. And for some reason I didn't understand, I liked the way my name sounded on her lips and so did not ask her to shorten it to my usual 'Bella'.

"Isabella Swan." She glanced down at my hand resting on the table and reached out a gentle, cool finger to brush along my scar much as she did the night before.

"You know all about us?" she half-stated, referring, of course, to her species.

"I know some," I tempered. I studied her face, but her eyes were unreadable as she traced my scar over and over.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked bluntly but quietly. No easy way to word that one. After our night together, I did not know if my assumption about her intentions to do so were no longer valid, but I expected that they still were.

She was quiet for a long time before taking my hand in both of hers and bringing it to her lips. She kissed the spot where both James' and Edward's lips had rested before relinquishing my hand and looking into my eyes.

"One way or another, your heart must stop beating, Isabella. So, yes, I must."

Her gold eyes were a strange mixture of sad and hopeful and my own filled with unwanted tears. Taking a long, shaky breath, I calmed myself. At least she was honest with me. And I hadn't suspected otherwise anyways. There was no way her family could allow me to walk away and expect to go unpunished, and I would never expect them to do that for me. The Cullens' choice confused me to this day, and as grateful as I was for it, even I had to acknowledge that it had been foolish.

"It will always be your choice," she continued slowly, watching my expression closely. "And my opinion may not mean much to you, given what I've just said, but for what it's worth, I hope very much that you would consider this life for yourself."

I glanced up from my abandoned waffles, feeling oddly cheered. "Really?"

"Yes," she said, and there was such fervour in her tone that I could not help but believe her.

"Why?" I asked the question that had been bothering me since i woke up this morning. "Why would you want that when we hardly know each other. I mean, we only met last night, but already..." I trailed off, unable and unwilling to put into words the way I was feeling. The last time I'd done that it had ended in heartbreak. But last time hadn't felt like this at all, this instant ease and companionship. And it really _was_ instant, now that I thought about it. I'd had a couple of one night stands before but they'd never been so... normal as this. It wasn't the correct word, but just being with Tanya felt so _right_ that I couldn't help but be happy with her. Even our morning after held no awkwardness at all, and that was a rare thing indeed.

"Isabella, what do you know about vampire mating?"

I blinked at the apparent non sequitur, but dutifully thought back to my conversations with Edward and realized that it truly was very little.

"I know it's permanent," I said neutrally, burying my lingering bitterness. There was a time when I'd believed that Edward and I were mates, but if we were, he wouldn't have left me, would he? But Tanya was speaking again and I wanted to know what this was all about.

"It is," Tanya agreed, sitting back and lacing her beautiful hands together. "It is also immediate. The moment a vampire sees the one they are destined to be with, they know, and they will want no other. If it is another vampire, the feeling will be mutual, if it is a human, as is more common, they will be able to sense the mating bond on some level but will not feel it in its full effects until they are turned. The vampire, on the other hand _will_ feel it in its entirety and will feel very strongly compelled to turn their mate in order to both claim them as their own and to secure their safety. Nothing in the world matters to a vampire so much as their mate's safety and happiness. Everything else is secondary. If a vampire's mate dies, they will avenge them and then follow them into oblivion at the soonest possible opportunity. The only known vampire not to have done so is Marcus of the Volturi."

"But they can still feel love for others, right? I mean, I know that the Cullens loved each other very much as a family."

"True," said Tanya, nodding. "Vampires _can_ feel love for ones who are not their mate, though it is more rare among the human feeders. It is far less common for them to form covens as large as the Cullens' or even my own out of a sense of camaraderie. But that does not mean that it can't happen. Some vampires, for example, seek companionship among others, both immortal and mortal, while they are waiting to find their mate. My sisters, Kate and Irina, and myself, count ourselves among this group." She smiled wryly. "Six hundred years is a long time to wait."

"Oh," I breathed. Edward had told me that the Denali coven sisters were known to associate with human men, but I'd never considered how lonely they must have been, how horrible to be alone, missing your other half for so very, very long. The last of my self-doubt faded away. That's what I had been to Edward. And while I still resented the way he'd promised me the world and then tossed me aside, I was happy that I'd been able to give him some small reprieve from that endless waiting.

But now I was curious.

"Has anyone ever _not_ found their mate?"

"Yes," Tanya said sadly. "It is a little unusual, but not terribly so. Nature tends to find ways to bring mates together, but as in all things, it is not perfect. It is all vampires' greatest fear, that they will be forever alone. It _is_ quite a long time, after all," she finished, lightening the mood.

The waitress approached our table then, and I fell silent as Tanya paid and we got to our feet, put on our coats, and made our way leisurely t the closest mall.

There was no more talk of mates as we spent our afternoon strolling hand in hand picking things off racks at random. Neither of us ended up getting much, but it was relaxing, and in truth, I'd never spent such a lovely day with anyone.

I learned that there were two other members in her coven, a mated pair, Carmen and Eleazar, and that they all lived in a large lodge on the outskirts of the Denali Park. I found Tanya's tasted to be simple but elegant and learned that she had taken several college courses in fashion many years before as well as political science and law. I told her of my lit degree and my love of the classics and my secret adoration for old horror movies which I'd never told anyone, even Edward. Only Renee knew and shared it and that led to a discussion about my family and Janet and my friendship with the Quileute werewolves. Her nose had wrinkled slightly in distaste, but she'd said nothing more than that she was glad that I'd had such strong friends to rely on.

By that time, I was hungry again, so we stopped so that I could have dinner at a little pizza place. She watched with a sort of morbid curiosity as I ate, but declined the need to feed herself. Then it was back to the hotel and into slinky outfits for the tournament.

The evening went well and I could sense Tanya's curiosity when I told her that I would seem cold and indifferent during the game but that that was just my game face and meant nothing. I found I had more difficulty than usual in putting up my walls, but managed well enough except for a seeming opening where I could sense Tanya and my fondness for her. It was immensely strange but I was focusing on my game so much that I hardly gave it any thought.

And for the first time, I wanted to win. Really, really badly. I wanted to impress her again, I wanted to feel worthy; I was not just in it for the money anymore, but her _her_. It mad me play more aggressively than I normally did, and oddly, I think that that won me the game as there was a much more experienced player form California who could have wiped the floor with me otherwise. I recognized him from other matches and saw his strategy immediately, which was to out-play my regular style.

My pleasure at my win was far less from the bundle of cash in my pocket and had much more to do with the hungry look in Tanya's eyes from where she watched me at the bar, nursing an untouched martini. Her soft kiss of congratulations quickly turned heated and we left swiftly both to avoid the stares (and glares) we were both receiving and to get back to my hotel room.

Hours later, we lay cuddled in bed, our noses almost touching. I had my eyes closed and was completely content to allow her cool fingers to drift along my hip and play gently on my ribs and over the hollow of my back. Laying there, wrapped in happiness as I had never been before, my thoughts tumbled out of my sleepy mouth before I could check them.

"I'm your mate, aren't I."

Tanya's hand never stopped in its lazy rhythm and my breathing stayed steady with certainty.

"Yes," she whispered.

"You gonna change me, then?" I murmured.

"Yes," she said again, her voice so soft on my ears and her breath so sweet in my mouth.

"M'kay," I whispered back and drifted off to sleep with my hand on her neck.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning was a slow one as we kept on getting distracted and ending up back in bed so that by the time we made it out of the hotel, showered, dressed, and (in my case) fed, it was nearing one o'clock.

Tanya wanted to introduce me to her family today and i was feeling distinctly nervous. These were the people I may end up spending eternity with, not to mention those who meant the most to Tanya, so I was justifiably feeling the pressure. We took a bus to a spot a couple of miles away and then Tanya ran me close to the house itself.

It was strange to be back on the back of a vampire, but I couldn't help but think that Tanya's smell was infinitely better than Edward's (a delicious mix of lilacs, pine, and roses) and that our bodies fit better together, that her hips were more comfortable, her hair softer and her speed more reasonable, though still unbelievably fast. Unable to resist, I delicately ran the tip of my tongue along the shell of her ear just as we slowed down. Her giggle was like sunlight on a brook and when she set me down, she turned too quick for me to follow so that she was facing me while my arms were still curled around her neck. Both her soft hands came up to cradle my head and then we were kissing again, soft and slow but turning deeper by the second.

After just a moment, though, Tanya broke into giggles again, breaking our kiss. I smiled to see her so happy but I was confused.

"What's so funny?"

"It's my family. They're waiting very impatiently for me to bring you inside."

"Oh," I said, nervous again, but trying to keep it light. "That must be so inconvenient sometimes," I quipped, referring to her super sonic hearing.

Her giggle turned into a full blown laugh. "Yes, particularly when you are distracting me so close to my house," she said with a pointed look, although the light in her eyes betrayed her teasing.

I gaped at her in mock indignation as we started towards the house, fingers intertwined.

"_I_ distracted _you_? You kissed me!"

"Only because you licked my ear!"

"Ah, but that was not my fault," I said sagely.

"Oh no?" Tanya replied, her face full of mischief and her blond curls bouncing. "Whose was it then?"

"Why, yours, of course," I said blithely.

"What? How was you licking my ear my fault?" Her face was now incredulous.

"Well if you stopped smelling so good, I wouldn't have to all the time, now would I?"

She laughed again. "I can't help how I smell!"

"I disagree. I'm entirely convinced that you're doing it on purpose to pray on my poor, human lack of will power. The reaction is completely out of my control and you are taking horrible advantage of my weak sensibilities."

The two of us could hardly control our giggles at this point and were leaning on each other of support as we walked the final steps to the lodge at a human pace. Tanya opened the door and we stepped inside.

The lodge was a grand place with an open floor plan. The back half was taken up by an enormous kitchen and dining area while the front was entirely filled with couches and arm chairs. A large coffee table was placed before the biggest fireplace and mantle I'd ever seen to the left of the door, while off to the right was a pool table and shelves full of games. Around the table stood three vampires, the long-haired blond I'd spoken to three days previous and two I didn't recognize.

The unfamiliar female was leaning against the wall, watching with her arms behind her back. She was dark-haired and the pale olive tone of her skin made me suspect she was of Mediterranean descent. The same could be said of the male who had equally dark hair which hung to his shoulders. Tall and thin, he looked quite distinguished. The long-haired blond sister was currently bent over the table, a cue in hand and her eyes fixed on the black ball across the table.

"Eight ball, corner pocket," she said solemnly and then tapped it right in.

"Yes!" she cheered and raised her arms in victory before turning to us with a wide grin. "I win!" she announced joyfully and the male vampire rolled his eyes behind her back, causing Tanya to snicker next to me.

"That's Kate," she told me dryly, but I could hear the fondness, the indulgence behind her tone. "She's the baby of the family."

"Psh, says you," Kate returned immediately before looking at me with a sly grin. "Hey, Isa."

I covered my eyes with my free hand and sighed. "I knew that was going to come back to bite me."

Kate laughed and I could hear Tanya snickering beside me again. Luckily, the other female cleared her throat delicately and Tanya moved quickly to introduce us.

"And this is Carmen and Eleazar, whom I've told you about." Gesturing to me she said, "this is Isabella Swan."

Carmen came forward slowly, beaming all the while and shook my hand in her cold one.

"It's a true pleasure to meet you, Isabella. Welcome to the family."

Flushing with pleasure at her easy acceptance, I held her eyes sincerely. "Thank you very much. I look forward to getting to know you."

She smiled brilliantly and moved back to make room for her mate. Eleazar had been watching me calculatingly form the side of the room, but he put his pool cue down now and approached me to shake my hand as well.

"Isabella," he said formally.

"Eleazar," I replied, and something about the way he was looking at me made me shutter off my walls for a moment as I shook his hand.

His eyes widened and he stilled momentarily in the classic pose of vampire surprise before shooting back beside his mate before I could blink.

Tanya's hand instantly dropped mine to wind around my waist and pull me close as her eyes narrowed at her friend.

"She's a shield!" Eleazar exclaimed, shocked, before anyone could ask what his problem was.

They all turned to look at me with surprise except for Tanya whose eyes were still narrowed, though now her expression was one of concentration rather than caution.

"What do you mean, Eleazar?" she asked.

"I could feel her blocking me, actively blocking me!" he said, sounding kind of awed.

"And what is it you were trying to do, exactly," I asked warily, instinctively moving closer to Tanya.

"Oh, nothing harmful, I assure you," he told me comfortably, but when all I did was raise my eyebrows at him, he elaborated. "I have a talent for sensing the gifts of others," he explained. "But never have I come across a human with such control over their gift!"

"Yes, well, I'm one of a kind," I said dryly, unwilling to elaborate on the circumstances surrounding the development of my 'gift', as he called it.

"You'll make on hell of a vampire, then," Kate said cheerfully. "When's that happening, by the way?"

Tanya and I glanced at one another.

"We haven't discussed it," Tanya said eventually.

It will have to be soon," Eleazar warned us, causing Tanya's brow to wrinkle.

"How soon is 'soon'?" I asked him. I felt Tanya's arm tighten around my waist.

"Within the week would be best," he replied gravely, shocking me slightly. That really was soon. "I do not feel comfortable leaving it any longer than that," he continued. "The law is clear, there is no sense in flouting it with delay."

After a deep breath I nodded. "all my affairs are in order. All I have to take care of is withdrawing some cash and then we can set up my 'death'. I'd rather not just disappear, if it's all the same to you. It will give my family some closure and keep my Dad from asking too many questions," I smiled wryly. "He is a cop, after all."

The others smiled at my poor attempt at a joke, and I changed the subject quickly. "So who thinks they can beat me at pool?"

-

"So how do you people make money?"

Kate, Tanya, and I were standing around the pool table, idly playing a game which I was losing (obviously) with surprising grace. I was curious, though, as almost the entire family was around in the middle of a weekday afternoon, no sign of employment in sight. Carmen and Eleazar had offered to go get me some food and I had accepted, as I sensed they wanted to talk alone, probably about me, without prying ears, so it was just the three of us.

"Investments mostly," Tanya told me. "Money tends to build up over time and when you don't need heating or food, your bills tend to be a little low. Six hundred years makes some nice interest," she grinned, flashing her teeth.

"That, and Alice's excellent judge of the stock market," Kate said casually, and I only had to throw up my shields briefly to catch the memories before they got away from me.

"But the money must have started somewhere," I persisted, knowing that I was being nosey but not really caring as I was truly interested in getting to know these people and part of that was knowing their histories, what jobs they'd held, and so on.

Kate glance at me, grinning, as she lined up her next shot.

"Eleven in the side pocket. You ever heard of Harlequin Romances?"

"Sure."

Kate took the shot (perfect, of course) and explained. "We wrote them."

I did a double take. "I'm sorry, what now?"

Kate looked like the cat that caught the canary and Tanya was just shaking her head at her, a sheepish grin on her sexy lips.

"We wrote them. Tanya, Irina, and I . We take turns, pump one out every couple of months. They're easy to write 'cause they're all exactly the same, and they bring in a good buck."

I was still gaping like a moron.

"No way. No fucking way."

"No joke."

I turned to Tanya. "How have you not told me this?"

Tanya wriggle uncomfortably. "It never came up."

I let out a giggle. The giggle turned into a chuckle. Soon enough I was leaning on my pool cue, laughing my ass off, watched by two amused vampires.

When I finally calmed down, I grinned at them. "Can I help write the next one?"

Kate let out a snort and Tanya looked hopeful.

"You don't think it's ridiculous?"

"Ridiculous? Of course it's ridiculous! It's the most ironic hing I've ever heard. And it's also the smartest. You realize that you're taking women's fantasies and selling them back to them? It's like you're selling them their own CO2 or something."

I broke out in giggles again and this time they joined me.

"Honestly, I think it's the height of win. You guys are completely made of cool for this."

"Finally, someone who can see the genius," Kate said, smiling.

We were quiet for a time, shooting the game through and then went outside to sit on the porch in the fading summer light. I lit up a smoke and relaxed, watching as the tendrils billowed lazily out of my lungs.

"So Isa," Kate said slyly, and I got the feeling she'd been waiting all afternoon for just this moment. "How many people have you fucked?"

My eyebrows raised slightly, but Tanya jumped up from my side.

"Katarina," she growled warningly.

"What?" Kate said, trying to pull innocence and failing badly. "If we're going to be sisters we need to have bonding talks like this."

I could see Tanya preparing to launch forth at Kate, whether physically or verbally, I wasn't sure, but I thought I'd head it off. Besides, I didn't mind Tanya knowing.

"Six," I said casually from where I leaned against the railing and took another drag.

They both looked at me sharply, Kate's expression eager, Tanya's unfathomable.

"Guys or girls?" Kate asked quickly.

"Half and half."

"Hm." She looked thoughtful. "Never tried girls myself."

"You should," I replied, looking up at Tanya with hooded eyes. "It's all kinds of wonderful."

Tanya's body relaxed as she lowered herself back to my side and laid her head on my lap, holding on e of my hands possessively. I placed my cigarette delicately between my lips and used my other hand to run my fingers through her hair gently. Soothed, Tanya began to purr quietly and I glanced up at Kate, giving her a wink, and she smiled fondly down at her long-time sister for a moment before turning back to me expectantly.

"Well? Details!"

I giggled at her antics, but dutifully flicked away my cigarette butt before returning to soothing Tanya's half-hearted growl back into purrs.

"Let's see. My first is hardly worth mentioning. Some guy in forks just before I left last summer. Uncomfortable to say the least - "

"One of the werewolves?" Tanya choked out tensely.

I was totally taken off guard, not to mention disgusted.

"What? No, that's gross! Ew, I'd _never_... just _ew_." The wolves were like brothers to me, it would be beyond weird to think of them like that.

Tanya relaxed visibly. "So none of them ever...?"

"Made a pass? Oh sure, most of them at least once, and Jake's loved me since we were like, in diapers, but that's just 'cause they're boys. But thinking of them that way is just wrong on so many levels."

Both Tanya and Kate had let out low rumbles at the mention of the pack's interest, but quieted a bit when I explained with such certainty that I would never return it. What I didn't mention was that I'd learned my lesson from Leah - don't get involved with a werewolf because there's a chance they'll imprint and you'll be left at the side of the road. Now that I thought about it, that's probably what would've happened with Edward as well, eventually. The dick.

"Besides, they're all so buff and weight-lifter-y. So not my type."

"Yeah," Kate and Tanya both agreed, drifting off in thought.

Now that I was thinking about that, I realized that Edward was the closest thing a guy could get to having a girl's body, really. Prepubescent fucker.

I snorted, causing them to look back to me in question, but I just shook my head and continued.

"So number two was Janet, of course. My college roommate," I explained for Kate's sake. "The girl wanted me to have the 'full college experience', as she put it, and went to great lengths to ensure I did just that."

"So you and she..." Tanya trailed off suggestively.

"Hm? Oh, no, just the one time. We were much better as just friends."

"Hmph." She did not seem terribly satisfied, and I laughed gently at her, warmed by her jealousy.

"Now you know how I feel, except times six hundred," I said, still laughing, though I gently traced her ear to try to take some of the sting out of my words.

"Hm," she agreed and kissed the inside of my wrist , so I figured I was forgiven. I would speed through the rest just the same, though.

"Janet's best friend Jordie pursued me for months before I relented, but it only ended up lasting a few weeks anyways, he was nice, but that's all. And the next two were together and then there you," I said, kissing her nose quickly.

"Oh no," Kate said, grinning. "No way are you getting away with that. Two together? Spill."

I sighed. I just knew I was going to regret this. "It was this summer, in Maine. I'd just won a big pot and I was a little more hammered than I probably should have been. This couple at a dance club double-teamed me, one thing led to another, and I snuck out of their penthouse the next morning."

Kate's face was lit up with glee. "Isa, you little tramp! You were the sugar and spice to a rich bitch!" She pealed off into laughter. "You probably saved their marriage from the doldrums of solitude," she snorted.

I looked down at Tanya. "Is she always like this?"

She nodded up at me solemnly. "For six centuries."

Kate's response was cut off by Carmen and Eleazar's return with my food.

"Sustenance!" I cried and Tanya and I fled from the indignant blond.


	5. Chapter 5

Not long afterwards, I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating the soup and sandwich Carmen and Eleazar had brought for me with a satisfied hum. The Denalis sat around, asking me questions about my childhood and dutifully avoiding any mention of the Cullens. I knew that we would have to address that particular elephant sometime soon, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't put off the inevitable for as long as possible.

I was just getting to Phil and explaining my reasons for my late move to Forks when the final member of the coven stepped in, accompanied by a guest who I had mixed feelings about. Irina was just as beautiful as the rest, though her expression of censure reminded me of Rosalie. Uh oh. Her companion, however, was the one to address me first.

"Bella," he stated, sounding surprised. So they hadn't told him about me. Interesting.

I said nothing, merely leaned back in my chair to observe him. I did not really know how to feel about Laurent. He had not helped me in the past, really, but he had no actively done much to side with the nomads, either. From his eyes I could tell that he was at least trying the 'vegetarian' lifestyle, but the lingering pink in his irises suggested that he wasn't really loyal to it. Truthfully, which I always tried to be with myself, at least, I was indifferent to him. His choices did not really interest me unless they pertained to me directly, and with Victoria gone, I doubted that we would come in very close contact with one another anymore.

I sipped my coke through the straw and watched him, the sucking noise sounding particularly obnoxious in the sudden silence.

"So," he said, sounding nervous. "How's Victoria?"

What an abysmally inappropriate question. God, what sort of pathetic excuse for a vampire was he?

"Dead," I replied, sans emotion.

"Oh," he said and laughed weirdly. What a freak show. "Glad to hear it."

"Liar," I said, my tone neutral.

"Right," he muttered, looking back and forth.

I watched him carefully. "Have you been in contact with her companion at all?"

He looked genuinely shocked. "I didn't know she'd taken up with anyone else."

I believed him. "Shame," I said, bored with the conversation now.

"Listen, Bella - "

"Isabella," I corrected him. I did not go by that name anymore.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for the part I played in - "

"It's alright, Laurent," I cut him off with a dismissive wave of my hand. "I don't really care." And I didn't.

"Oh, well, good, good," he said, sounding relieved.

I turned to Irina, who'd been watching our exchange with narrow-eyed interest.

"You're Isabella," she said.

"You're Irina," I stated back.

"Walk with me," she said tersely and went back out the front door.

I stood and winked at Tanya's worried look, then followed her, zipping up my jacket as I did so. I followed Irina for several minutes, assuming correctly that we were going far enough out so that we coudn't be overheard. A couple of miles later, she stopped suddenly, still facing forward. I joined her, just standing in the silence. Eventually, I pulled out a smoke. I'd let her set the pace of this conversation.

After a long time, she finally spoke, still staring off into the surrounding forest. "My sister is in love with you."

I nodded.

"Do you love her back?"

"Not yet," I said truthfully.

she was silent for a time.

"Why are you agreeing to the change?"

I took a drag, considering her question seriously.

"Because between that and death, I choose a chance at happiness. There is potential for love there that I have not known before, and I'd rather test my luck than take the easy way out. Because I am not a coward. At least, not anymore."

She nodded contemplatively.

I stabbed out my cigarette carefully.

"You know that if you choose to die instead that Tanya would die as well?"

I nodded silently, then added. "That's not a reason to make the change - to make someone else happy. But you're right in thinking that I'm tired of feeling blood on my hands, so to speak."

Her lips quirked.

I lit up another.

"Also, the idea of a world without Tanya in it is just fucking stupid."

Her mouth formed a small smile.

I puffed away.

I can't believe that you're the girl Edward fell for."

I snorted elegantly. "That's because I'm not."

She glanced sideways at me before changing the subject completely. "Will Laurent be a problem?"

I was surprised that she would even consider my opinion on such a thing, but she was blunt enough that I knew she wouldn't ask if she didn't want a real answer.

"Like I said, I don't really care. I don't care for him, but I don't care _about_ him either. I think he's a fucking pussy and that you could do better than him, but that's not my business."

She waved her hand as though flicking the thought away.

"We're going to be sisters, you may as well start acting like it now. And you need not worry, he's nothing but a passing interest."

I snickered lightly. "Ah, but does he know that?"

Her returning smile was wicked. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

We shared a light laugh, and then turned back to the house, a sort of understanding between us, and I realized that she was nothing like Rosalie at all - she said things like they were and she expected others to do the same. That was something that I could respect.

We make our way back inside, comfortable in the silence of the North and the smoke of my cigarette.

Back in the kitchen, I plopped into my chair and resumed eating as though nothing had happened.

"Still alive, I see?" said Tanya dryly, though her eyes betrayed her concern.

I smile winningly at her. "Still smokin'."

She giggled and I went back to my soup. _Damn_, but it was good. Whoever invented bisque should get a fucking Nobel prize for like, genius or world peace or some shit.

My thoughts must have been plain on my face because Tanya's giggling intensified and Carmen was looking particularly pleased.

"Humans are so easy to please," Eleazar said, but he looked more amused than condescending, so I didn't call him on it.

"It's the mortality," I said, grinning. "Makes everything intense."

"Speaking of mortality, I'm going hunting," Laurent put in from where he still stood in the corner of the room. "Coming?" he asked Irina, holding out his hand to her.

She crossed her arms. "I'd rather get to know Isabella a bit, you go ahead."

Laurent lowered his arm, looking a little surprised, but not offended. "Alright, then. See you later Bel - Isabella."

He nodded and I saluted him briefly with my spoon and then he was gone in a gust of wind.

"Finally," Kate said eagerly. "Now we can get down to family business." She rubbed her hands together, looking like the cat in the cream.

I raised my eyebrows at the vaguely uncomfortable looks worn by the others as I chewed a pieced of crispy bacon delicately. I thought that Kate and Emmett must get on famously with their love for bringing up the awkward.

"What business is that?" I finally took the bait.

"What we've all been dying to ask you since we first saw you, of course!" She leaned forward as though about to address a secret of national security.

"Why'd you leave Edward?"

I stared at her blankly.

"Say what now?"

Kate looked put out. Obviously this wasn't the reaction I was meant to have. "It's okay, Isa. You can tell us, you know. We're family now."

I glanced sideways at Tanya, who was staring forward with an unreadable look. I was totally confused.

"We're not going to judge you, Isabella," Eleazar put in comfortingly. "No matter your reasons."

The truth was starting to nudge at me, but my brain didn't want to accept it. "Why would you think that I left him?"

That drew them up short.

"You and Edward broke up, did you not, Isabella?" Carmen asked carefully.

"Yes," I said. "Two Septembers ago."

They all looked very relieved and I felt Tanya relax fractionally beside me, making me aware how truly tense she had been until now, and how incredibly rigid she still was.

Kate looked straight at me. "So why'd you do it, then? Simple question."

I frowned, frustrated now. I did not appreciate these memories being dredged up - they weren't exactly fun for me. "I didn't."

There was silence, then -

"What," asked Irina flatly.

"I didn't break up with Edward. He was the one that left me."

Their faces were masks of perplexity, and Tanya's was verging on pain.

"Why would you think otherwise?" I asked urgently. That thought, treacherous, horrendous thought was still nudging at me insistently.

Irina was the one that finally spoke up. "The Cullens came here in the middle of September two years ago, very briefly. Alice and Jasper came first, then Rose, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme shortly after. They said there had been some sort of incident with Edward's girlfriend Bella, and that they'd had to leave immediately. They looked pained and didn't want to talk about it. Edward showed up a few days afterwards. He looked horrendous. He finally explained that you had broken up with him, that you wanted nothing to do with their family and never wanted to speak to any of them again. He didn't explain why and we didn't ask. They left the next day.

We all assumed, of course, that it was because the vampirism had finally become too much for you. So when you took up with Tanya without any objections, we were all confused and thought there might be more to it. That's it."

I was silent for a long time, staring down at what remained of my dinner, no longer even remotely hungry. Eventually, I pulled out a cigarette.

"You mind," I asked blankly, addressing Carmen for some reason. I guess she just seemed the most mom-like and therefore would be the most likely to object, or something.

She shook her head and I lit up, tilting my head back and blowing out a languorous cloud of smoke. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. That bastard. The complete and utter _bastard_. The repercussions of this news reached so far that I could hardly think about it without throwing up.

Slowly, I got myself together, but when I spoke, I was still addressing the ceiling. I couldn't look at them while I said this.

"It started at my eighteenth birthday, I guess. The Cullens were having a party for me. I was unwrapping a gift and, being me, I got a paper cut. Obviously, that was not the coolest thing to happen in a room full of vampires, but then Edward, being Edward, pushed me back into the table so he could protect me. There were glass plates on it, they broke, and long story short, I suddenly had a lot more blood flowing down my arm. Unsurprisingly, Jasper took a snap at me."

I felt Tanya shudder next to me, but I didn't look over.

"It wasn't his fault, of course, and the others restrained him, so I came to no further harm, but I think he still felt bad about it, because I later learned that he and Alice left that night." I was proud that my voice didn't break when I spoke her name, the first time I'd done so in almost two years. My friend. My very best friend. I closed my eyes and tightened up my walls as I took a drag.

"Three days later, Edward asked me to come for a walk with him in the woods. He'd been distant and I hadn't seen the other Cullens since the incident, so I suspected something was wrong, but I didn't what it was, exactly. I agreed, so off we went. A short ways in, we stopped and he told me they were leaving. I assumed, of course, that I'd be going with them, and I tried to object. I worried how my father would react and I wanted to finish school first. But then he told me that they would be leaving me behind."

I paused to take another drag. In and out. Forget, forget.

"He said that he didn't want me anymore. That I was no good for him. That he'd grown bored of me and of pretending to be human for me. That I would forget him and that he would easily find distractions to take his mind off of me. That I was human and my human mind was sieve-like, that it would be as though they'd never existed. And then he walked away from me. He left me lying in the woods, believing that I was nothing.

Tanya's hand made its way into mind and I squeezed it lightly.

"You know, it's funny, but in a way, he was right."

I heard Carmen breathe in sharply and Kate growl lowly, but I shook my head.

"No, it's true. See, I gave him so much of myself that when he left me, there was hardly anything left." I laughed ruefully. "I really didn't take it that well. Like, at _all_. But, eventually I was able to realize how unhealthy that was, that I had stopped being my own person somewhere along the line. When he didn't want me anymore, _I_ didn't want me anymore. So I remade myself into someone worth wanting, even if it was only by myself. And I'm a stronger person for it now. So in a way, he actually did me a favour."

I paused thoughtfully. "Of course, it wasn't just him that I'd lost. It was his whole family, who had become mine in many ways. It was knowing that I was so easy to give up, an issue that I already struggled with, because of my parents, I guess. But if it turns out that they never actually _did_ give me up so easily... Well, that's different."

For a long time, no one said anything. Then,

"He is _so_ not getting anything good for Christmas," Kate said seriously.

I snorted. I chuckled. And then I laughed, slightly hysterically, but it was laughter still.

Putting out my cigarette, I finally looked at the rest of the coven. Carmen looked pained, Eleazar calculating, and Irina plain murderous. Well, that was nice.

Tanya's cool fingers squeezed mine gently, and I glanced over at her worried expression.

"It's fine," I assured her. "I've had a long time to get over it. The thing I'm most angry about is that he made _me_ out to be the prejudiced asshole. And also that he took my things."

"What?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to say. When I was finally brought back to my house, I realized that all evidence of his family was gone from my room. Pictures I'd taken, a CD he'd given me, that kind of stuff. Fucking frustrating. That, and that he never gave me a fowrading address or phone number, so I had to way to contact them. Guess he couldn't have me outing his lie. Cowardly little shit."

Kate snorted at my language and I sighed.

"So in the end, no I didn't leave him, but if I'd ever figured out what a coward he was, I like to think that I would have. Because there's certainly no way I'd _ever_ want him now," I said, smiling at Tanya a little, and earning a sad one in return.

"I don't understand, though," Carmen said eventually. "Why would he lave you, and then lie about it? I can hardly believe that he'd do such a thing. We've known him for so long and in all that time..." she trailed off, obviously unsure how to go on without offending me.

"I can think of two reasons," I told her. "The first, that he was speaking the truth - I truly had become too much trouble to be worth it but he didn't know how to break it off with me without seeming like an arse, so he lied to his family, saying that I'd done it."

Tanya rumbled lowly at that, deep and long and menacing and I shot her a thankful look.

"The other took me a long time to even wonder about, but he always thought he knew what was right. I think it's because he can read minds - it's given him something of a complex, and it's made him believe that thoughts mean more than actions, because that's what e deals in all the time. He's forgotten that for most people, thoughts can be errant and without purpose or meaning, that it is the things we act on that are the true measure of our character, the things we let through the filter are the ones that matter the most.

But anyway.

Edward was always real protective of me when we were together, and it just seemed weird timing that he left right after the shit at my birthday went down. So I thought maybe that he thought he was somehow saving me from himself by leaving me behind. He was always full of melodramatic, self-hating shit like that."

I snorted. "In a way, he did save me from himself, just not in the way that he intended, I think. But he probably knew that neither I, nor his family, would agree with his decision on that, so he lied to us both. To me, that seems like a classic Eward move. And if that the case, it really sucks for him, because it means that he probably didn't actually want me to move on. But I did, because I can't be with someone who has no respect for me like that."

I grinned over at them. "So rule number one to a Happy Life with Isabella - no making decisions for me," I said with a laugh, but only Kat laughed in return.

Tanya was glaring at the wall. "You're right, that _does_ sound like typical Edward. And if that _is_ the case, then he's in extra trouble because he obviously did a piss-poor job of protecting you if you had to run to fucking _werewolves_ for help."

I laughed lightly. "Yeah, they kind of sucked at it, but hey, they're young and they were doing their best. And I _am_ alive because of them, so I guess that's something."

"Hmph," was all she said and Irina had an equally sour expression on her face, making me giggle. It was so funny to see vampires when they were being indignant.

"Maybe if Edward hadn't been such a pussy, you wouldn't have that scar on your hand. How'd you get the venom out anyway? I thought it was poisonous to wolves, and humans can't drink blood."

"What? Oh no, that wasn't from Victoria. She broke a couple of bones, but didn't leave any visible scars. That was James. And Edward was the one that sucked the venom out to stop me from changing. He was pretty determined that I stay human, come to think of it. But you can watch the whole thing if you want - the Cullens have it on tape still, I think. James was sick on top of being as psycho as his mate was - he decided he'd film himself killing me and send it to Edward or some shit."

I shook my head. "Now _he_ was a Hollywood-worthy vamp. Not like you sentimental pansies," I said, grinning.

"Bitch, please," shot back Kate. "We're _made_ for Hollywood. We fight our very nature for the sake of humanity. It's an epic battle of good versus evil every goddamn day of the year." We smiled at each other, our sarcastic camaraderie as easy as breathing.

"Speaking of talking to the Cullens," said Eleazar slowly. "What do you think of contacting them?"

I stilled. "You haven't told them about me yet?"

Tanya shook her head. "We wanted to wait until we heard your side of the story about what happened between you before talking to them. We haven't spoken in a while, but we'll probably be seeing them for Christmas, so we'll be in contact with them soon to arrange things."

"Is - will he be with them?" I asked, my voice a little strangled. I didn't know at all how I felt about seeing them, now that I knew they hadn't just abandoned me as I thought. I'd be able to see Alice again... and Esme, Emmett, Carlisle. I locked those thoughts up in order to pay attention to Eleazar's answer.

"Carlisle said it would just be the six of them - apparently Edward's been off on his own since that September. They've hardly talked to him, let alone seen him."

"Hm." Well that was a whole other story. "I suggest that you not tell them about me unless you absolutely have to. They'll probably try to talk you out of changing me, which we all know is so dangerous that it's just plain stupid. I really don't know what they were thinking," I shook my head. "The way I understood it, the law's the law and the Volturi don't sound all that flexible about flouting it."

Eleazar nodded. "Carlisle may have stayed with them for some time, but he never saw the more ruthless side of them, I don't think. He was not with them during the wars of the South the way I was." (My eyebrows shot up. That sounded interesting.) He glanced uneasily at the three sisters, who were all staring off in different directions, obviously remembering something, but unwilling to talk about it yet. That was okay. I had time.

"Jasper witness some of what they're capable of, I think, but he got out before they had to do any real clean-up, and he was probably feeling guilty enough about his attempt on you to consider ending your life, and the rest of them just don't know any better. But you've got the right of it, Isabella. The Volturi are not forgiving, and we have no choice in this matter. It would be risking all of and the Cullens as well to leave you as you are."

I nodded in agreement. I'd figured as much.

"so how are we doing this?"

"A car accident would be easiest," said Tanya.

"And funnest," Kate added gleefully. "I've always wanted to total something just for the fun of it."

The others grinned at her indulgently, but I had something to add. "We'll have to plan it just before or during a long rainfall. The wolves may be suspicious and come to investigate the missing body situation, and if they get a trace of any of your scents anywhere even remotely near the site of the accident, then they'll be on full attack mode, and I'd rather they not all die. I kind of owe them, after all, and there's no way they'd beat you guys."

Irina looked smug at my assessment of their skills, but Eleazar was nodding in agreement. "How about tomorrow then? You can go and rent a car, make small talk with the clerk and let it slip that you're going for a drive. Come here, Kate can switch with you since she seems so eager, she can make a believable scene, and the week of rain starting tomorrow will take away the evidence. Your 'body' will wash away down the river and you're home free."

So that's what we did. Simple as that.

The next afternoon found me sipping at a latte I'd picked up on my way to the lodge, standing at the front door and waiting for Kate to get back. Tanya joined me quietly, hands weaving around my waist and her chin coming to rest on my shoulder. I leaned back into her, silently glad that she had come.

"Are you sure?" she asked, breaking the empty Northern quiet.

I knew immediately that she was talking about my decision to undergo the change. I turned my had back and up slightly so that I could see her face, and noticed the intensity of the fire in her eyes which belied the casual nature of her words. And suddenly I was made truly aware of how much she desperately wanted this, of how much it meant to her, how much _I_ meant to her.

Slowly, I turned around, wrapping my arms loosely around her waist and leaning my forhead on her collarbone.

"I'm sure about you," I breathed onto her cool skin, and felt her arms tighten. "And that's enough."

We stayed there, wrapped together for a long while until I heard the sound of Kate's footsteps on the gravel driveway.

"One car accident for Isa Swan?" she asked cheerfully, pretending to be a delivery person.

I smile over my shoulder at her antics. "I'm not tipping you, if that's what you're thinking."

"Psh," she scoffed at me. "Your money's no good here anyway."

We all trooped inside to find that the others had already congregated in the seating area around the fireplace. We joined them and all sat in a weighted silence for several moments before I couldn't stand it anymore.

"So. How do we do this?"

They all looked at each other as though each hoping the other would volunteer. I started to get nervous.

"Please tell me that at least one of you knows what they're doing."

Eleazar spoke up. "You need not worry, Isabella. We have all witnessed at least one change, except maybe for Kate."

"Yup," said Kate, sounding a little on edge, especially for her. "This is my first time, too, Isa."

I did not grin back. "You mean nobody's ever actually turned anyone before?"

"Well, no," he said apologetically, but hurried on. "but it's all in the knowing how, more than the experience, really. And I'd say that either Tanya or I have probably witnessed the most, being the oldest, and the sisters all have far better control than anyone I know, except maybe for Carlisle, myself included."

"So Tanya's the logical choice," I said, pleased.

"And I've got the most motivation to not fuck it up," she added dryly.

"Alright then. Where does it happen?"

"Best to do it somewhere we don't mind any destruction, but no somewhere too small, as when you wake we don't want you to feel cornered."

"Right," I said, nerves back. "Well, let's get to it, I guess."


	6. Chapter 6

We decided to conduct the change in one of the upstairs guest rooms that had French doors leading out onto a small balcony that faced off the back of their property into the Denali Park, with the hope that when I awoke, I would feel less under threat if I had an obvious and easy escape route. Also, that way if I _did _somehow escape their experienced hands, I would run off into the wilderness that went on for miles without crossing any human settlements, hopefully giving them the chance to get me back under control again before I did anything stupid.

It was odd, to think so abstractly of how I would be acting, as though someone completely different and without my characteristic restraint. To be honest, I was not looking forward at ALL to losing that control over my own actions and body. It was one of the few things that I felt safe about now, the natural control I had over myself and my own emotions. Knowing that I was about to throw all that to the wind was not exactly a pleasant thought, but knowing that the other choice was death for both me and Tanya, I kept my mouth shut and tried to look on the positive side. No more need to go to the bathroom! No more need to shave and wax! Ohmygod, no more PMS, thank you Jesus.

I scoffed to myself at my superficial thoughts, but just shook my head when the others looked in my direction, having no desire to explain what I had been thinking. Because I knew that they were taking this change very seriously; they alone were fully aware of what exactly I was giving up when I gave up my humanity, and they were obviously not particularly looking forward to it.

Or, at least, everyone but Kate, I thought with humour, as I watched her rib Tanya a bit, trying to get her to relax and smile through the tension filling the room. I hopped up onto the low bed by the window, sitting cross-legged, and then looked up to find them all staring worriedly at Tanya, and Tanya staring out the window, tense as a taut bow string. Obviously, I'd missed some private, vampire-level-hearing-only convo while I'd been getting myself settled.

"Hey."

Four vampires turned their attention to me, while Tanya just kept looking determinedly out onto the Alaskan view, her jaw tight. Shit.

"Could you guys give us a sec?"

Before I could blink they were out of the room, leaving me and the statuesque Tanya in silence.

I got up slowly and moved over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my forehead on the back of her shoulder, much as she had to me this morning. We just stood there for a second, and then she lined her cold arms over mine, holding me to her and I sighed in relief.

"What is it?" I whispered into her skin.

"Do you have to ask?" she whispered back, her voice strained with stress.

"Well, yeah, I know, but I meant what specifically?"

She paused as though unsure how to put her thoughts into words. Finally she said, "I hate taking anything from you. And I am. I'm taking a lot."

I was quiet for a bit, contemplating her words, not wanting her to feel like I was brushing off anything she said, or taking the situation more lightly than it deserved.

"You're right," I answered eventually, and squeezed her tightly when I felt her tense underneath my arms. "But you're doing the best you can in a situation that you had no part in creating, Tanya. This is a crappy decision to have to make, but it's not your fault that things turned out this way, and no one can ever fault you for that."

"I'm taking your _life _from you, Isabella."

"No, you're not. Well, you might be the one to actually do the biting, but the events that led up to this are entirely my responsibility, Tanya, my doing, _my _decision."

I paused, considering how I had ended up tangled up in this supernatural mess of a world and shook my head a bit at my own naivety, the firm, unconscious certainty I'd had of my own safety before I realized what I'd gotten myself into.

"I had plenty of warnings," I murmured. "The Cullens tried to dissuade me, and I'll even give Edward credit for that, they really did their best to keep me out of everything, but you'll find that I am stubborn, and my curiosity ran away with me. I take full responsibility for that."

"You didn't know," she said back, squeezing my hands lightly. "There's no way you could have known what the consequences would be for you."

"That's true," I conceded, and we fell quiet again for a time.

"You know what, though?" I was back to whispering, and I felt her hair swish against me gently as she shook her head.

"I'm happy that things turned out this way."

She turned to face me finally, her golden eyes staring into my brown ones with intense confusion. "How?"

"Because I am so _lucky_, Tanya. Okay, so recently my life hasn't been amazing. So fucking what? No one else's is, either. I never expected everything to peaches. So I've been through some shit. Who hasn't? And in the end, I have also had some amazing things happen to me, had some fantastic people love me, and that's all anyone can really ask for from life. And the kicker of it all is that here I am, about to get _another_ life, and this one I get to spend with _you_."

I reached up to put my hands on either side of her face, desperate for her to see what I was trying to say.

"Can't you see that I am being given this incredible chance? So how on earth can I be anything but deliriously happy and grateful for that? So no, I'm not one bit sorry about how things turned out. I don't regret anything. I can't. I couldn't regret _you_."

I was almost panting with the force of what I'd been doing my best to convey, and for a moment I thought that I'd have to keep going to convince her and I didn't know what else I could say that would do it, but then her mouth was on mine, so forceful and slow, and I realized that she'd got it. So I sighed as I opened myself up to her, my mouth and my emotions and I tried to show her without words what I meant. She responded just as passionately, but kept things slow, and it was several minutes before I was really let up for air as she pulled me into a close embrace.

"Thanks," she murmured into my hair.

"Anytime," I said back, and then decided that the mood was way too sombre. "Besides, you see one vampire in the sun and body glitter is just ruined for you for life."

She threw her head back in a laugh, and I could hear the chuckles of the others on the floor below, where they'd obviously retreated to try and give us some small bit of privacy.

We pulled back a bit and I looked into her face.

"You ready?"

She took a deep breath, another, and then nodded. "Okay."

And with no more warning than that, she tilted my head to the left and sank her glittering teeth into my flesh.

* * *

"What do we do? What the _fuck _are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. I've never witnessed a turning like this. I've never even heard of anyone so silent before."

"It's my fault. I took too much blood -"

"For the last time, this is not your fault! You did everything exactly according to the book -"

"Maybe we should call Carlisle. He's more experienced than any of us at performing the change. Perhaps he could shed some light on the situation."

"Call him and tell him what? That we did the thing perfectly and that the results are unlike anything ever recorded, anywhere? I know he's a doctor, but he's not fucking omniscient! He won't know what to do any more than the rest of us, and then the whole fucking family will be involved, which Isabella expressly said that she did not want!"

"I hardly see you spouting any better ideas -"

"I say we wait. Three days is standard, and it's barely been that yet anyway. We're just over-reacting."

"Over-reacting! Do you _remember_ the change at _all_? She should be screaming and instead she's just laying there like a fucking corp -"

"Don't you _dare_ say that word to me right now. She's _not. Dead._ Look at her, we can _see _the change happening -"

"Silence!"

"..."

"What is it?" "Did you think of something?" "What is it, Eleazar?"

"What part of silence did you not understand? I'm trying to concentrate!"

"..."

"I think... I think I can feel her shield wavering."

"..."

"Oh god."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Bad, that is _definitely _bad. She had a shield up constantly, without fail, not a single chink in it, the entire time I was near her. I have the feeling that she didn't ever let it down, or was even holding it up consciously. If it's falling now, then that's probably a sign of her last defenses crumbling, and I can't think of any good reason for that to happen."

"Oh god, oh god."

"Maybe it's not a bad thing. Maybe... I mean, everything that's human gets torn apart and rebuilt better by the venom, right? So maybe this is the same thing."

"... it's possible. But if she resists the process, I don't know what that will mean for her mental stability when she wakes."

"..."

"Fuck."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Maybe -"

"Leave. I need everyone to leave, right now. I can't - I'm barely - I need everyone to leave."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Isabella? Isabella, I need you to do something for me. I need you to come back. Please, please come back. I don't know where you've gone, where you've hidden in that little mind of yours, but I really, really, really need you to come back. I don't... I can't do this. I really can't do this without you."

"..."

"I - god. I literally don't know what to do without you. I didn't even - I never even got the chance - _god_. I - I'm in love with you, Isabella. God. I love you, and I don't know what to do with myself, because you're not here, and... Please. Just, please. Come back. Come back. Please, I _need _you, come back. Come back, because I love you."

"..."

And then I screamed.


End file.
